More Details on Growing Marijuana

- Humboldt Grow Magazine

This is a great resource for those seriously interested in growing marijuana (legally). Also some lovely pictures of buds and operations. - view related link

- Marijuana Business News

This is a website all about the actual Marijuana business commonly referred to as the Cannabusiness. - view related link

- Prop 215 and CA Senate Bill 420 regarding medical marijuana

This is a need to know for anybody seriously considering growing medical marijuana under current California law. - view related link

How to become a Marijuana Farmer in Humboldt
by Don Juan Capistrano

September 18, 2009

Popular demand and advanced google stats have cried out that the nation at large needs to, wants to MUST know how to become a Marijuana Farmer in Humboldt. And so, we have put together some detailed to-do lists of everything you will need to achieve your high goals in life.

Are you an Indoor Grower or an Outdoor grower. This is the first decision you need to make as they are very different beings.

For Indoor Growers  (4 month rotation – 3 times a year)

1.    You will have to rent an apartment in Pot City USA otherwise known as Arcata (at the high big-city premiums we are all paying). Where else would you want to live. Eureka?? That's no good. Arcata will cost you $800 / month for a one bedroom, $1200 / month for 2 bedrooms and $2000 / month for 3 or more bedrooms.
2.    Go for the $2000 as more square feet means more growing capacity. And when you have your friends over babysitting they can take in the gorgeous view (that nobody else will ever see).
3.    Figuring you need at least 4 square feet for every plant.
4.    You are going to need some baseball caps, some outdoor / hippie clothes, work boots, sunglasses, a fuzzy beard, plenty of local microbrews, a 4x4 truck and balls of steel (preferably not hanging off the back of your truck).
5.    The first couple of days you’re in the house make it look like you actually live there. The neighbor’s seem to love that for some reason. Then after a couple of days you can aluminum foil up the windows, put Styrofoam insulation on the walls, rig up your electrical wiring by cutting holes in roofs and dropping lines anywhere they’re needed, installing large hooks and pulley systems. Hell, you might as well tap right into the water lines to install a proper watering system.
6.    Now here’s the specific of what you will need: hydropods, volcanic rock balls, 5 gallon containers, grow-bags, net pots, water lines, drip-system, Water farm Controller Kit , black gold soil, fox farm fertilizer (start off with nitrogen hot soil), baby bloomers , pH testers, marijuana grower’s guide, nutrients, Dark Energy™,  flower-power.
7.    Here’s some other local options:  Ocean Forest Potting Soil, FoxFarm Original Planting Mix, Happy Frog Soil Conditioner, Light Warrior Agro-Ponic Grow Medium, Big Bloom Liquid Plant Food (0.01-0.3-0.7), Grow Big Liquid Plant Food (6-4-4), Liquid Nutrient Trio Soil Formula—Big Bloom, Grow Big and Tiger Bloom,,  Cha Ching Soluble Fertilizer (9-50-10), Don’t Bug Me Environmentally Friendly Insect Spray
8.    For the grow lights you want the big Lumatek 600W 120V Digital Ballasts to really make your PG & E bill stand out. Why not go with the Tek-Light T5 4 Lamp for $250. Or how about the Life Light Dual Spinning Hood 42". You Figure one metal halide sodium light ($200-$250) per each eight plants. Is it eight? How would I know. You’re monthly electric bills will probably go up $50-$100 per each light. (Hey, nobody said this was cheap and easy ).
9.    You’re also going to need timers.
10.     Once you get the lighting and soil in place you are ready for your clones. What strains are you going to pick? What is selling hot right now?? What will produce you the most money per square foot. These are important questions. This is business nowadays you know. It ain’t just no family felony stick-it-to-the-man U.S. out of Humboldt anymore.
11.    Personally I would love to see the Northern Lights make another round. I’m quite happy to never taste another Trainwreck. The OC Kush is the hot hot right now. Or bubbleberry, golden goddess, G49, B52, K69, Skunk crossed with Amsterdam Sativa Indica Afghani Thai Buddha Buddha Sensimilla FunkaSmokeaDelic.
12.    You can grow from seed but who does that anymore?? Has there been an indoor plant grown from a real marijuana seed in the last 20 years?? I’m not sure anybody really knows that.
13.    Now it’s time to wait and smile nice at the neighbors. Sure the entire house or at least a 1000 square feet of it are full with tiny young marijuana plants but you’re got a porch. You did get a porch didn’t you?? That was important. It’s hot as hell inside that huge house will all those lights and plants growing.
14.    Oh, damn. I think I forgot to mention fans. This is probably about when you are going to really start wanting them anyway. Just cut some holes in the side of the house and install one on each sidewall. I would suggest off-gassing during the late night hours when everybody knows the skunks come out.
15.    Then after about 2 months of 24 hour light, daily feedings, pH temperature checks, pest and mold control, sweating, worrying, deficiency crisis, nitrogen phosphorus and potassium nightmares you are ready to go to bloom. Take out the lights and go dark. Deep into the dank dewy darkness with the luscious powerful stink. Keeping the proverbial eye out for hermaphrodites, mites and mold sporites. Now it is harvest time.
16.    Prepare yourself for the shame that your house is the one on the street that stinks. There’s no way around it. Nobody is fooled. Everybody knows you’ve got that 215 illness which your wellness requires. Be proud that you have made it this long and it will all soon be over. Or begin again.

For Outdoor Growers (8 months per year)

1.    If you are going to go the outdoor route you can either buy 40 acres for $120,000 (don’t worry you’ll make that back in no time) or get 60/40 commission as a middle man with a property owner. Nobody really knows how that goes down but I’m sure you’ll be inventive.
2.    The land needs good water sources and midday sun. A nice breezy pasture on any south slopes should do. You will also want to make sure you get good KMUD reception for the Citizen’s Watch reports. Also what are the plane routes above you like. Are there lots of helicopters? We don’t need any of that.
3.    Don’t worry about the soil, you’ll just be using big black grow bags anyway. You’ll get more yield that way traditionalists!!
4.    It’s not advised to haul in a semi-truck size generator as the neighbors tend to notice and get pissed. Don’t you know we don’t want all that diesel run-off into the pristine creeks?? They’ll think you’re in the Mexican mafia if you aren’t careful.
5.    We’re going old school outdoor grow op on this one. Build yourself a nice green house for the early spring (march and april) starts from seeds. Sure you’ll use clones too for variety. But hey you’re taking the time to do it right, give seeds a chance.
6.    Wait until the last frost and rains of the year are over. This is always around mid may at the earliest. I know you can’t wait to hop out there with your little babies but just love and nurture them a little longer. Don’t you have grapevines to tend to as well (there’s money in wine too you know) This is a good time to get your soil bags in place. That’s some serious shovel work if you’re on any sort of hillside. Don’t you have a hillside?? Where’d you find some flat land! Where did you put your little garden in? Do you have a quick escape route? Do you really need one anymore?? It’s Obamatime man.
7.    Now the rains have gone, the sun is out all day, the plants are in. It’s all about daily watering, adding nutrients and heading off to the creeks and rivers. Go play some disc golf. You’ve got a long wait ahead of you.
8.    What have you been doing all summer long?? Taking a reminder of last year’s crop, listening to reggae, having hot naked sex in the mid summer moon in your garden for good luck and positive vibrations. Well, it’s time to get serious. It’s damn hot out and you gotta keep those babies well feed.
9.    Get your magnifying glass out. You’re going to need to take some daily inspections to keep these babies in line. They are your little moneymakers so you might as well treat them that way. Keep those pesky male suitors away. You know the drill.
10.    Now it’s coming into harvest time. Get yourself a haircut for hippie’s sake. It’s time to drive like the proper law-abiding citizen we all know you really are. Keep the water coming and be on alert for Storms!!
11.    We don’t need any more Rain Dances. We need Sun Dances now! Damnit! You’ve got a lot of time into this endeavour. This is a big deal. You need to start dancing away those rain clouds right damn now!! Howa wow wa. How wa wa. Get a Yurok or a Hoopa up there to bless the herb.
12.    It’s harvest in Humboldt. Everybody will be happy and smiling and eating at the restaurants. Paying cash and drinking heavily. You made it.! Celebrate! Why do you need to hang around while all those trimmers get to work for $250 per pound. How long does it take to trim 20 lbs. It’s 20 lbs?? Let’s see about ¼ lb per plant times 25 (which is the maximum, right?) that’s 6 pounds. Hum, I thought I had more like 12 or 20. Well anyway times $3000 per month is $60,000. Minus 20 times 250. That’s 5000 total plus all those water, supplies, land costs, That’s maybe 20% cost into only 80% profit. There must be a way to improve on that. Oh well, let’s live it up. There’s always Hawaii in the winter to think about these things.
 

Related Links

Check out Lights and Hydroponics
Check out Grow Systems and supplies
Look into Fertilizers and Soil Additives