RSSNew Proposed List of Arcata Plaza Rules
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New Proposed List of Arcata Plaza Rules
December 7, 2009
I was walking on the plaza just the other day and I saw a cop kicking a spanger off the grass. The kid insisted he needed to know where he was allowed to stand. The cop told him anywhere besides the grass or something of the sort. But I could sense the confusion and the anger. So I have decided we need to implement the following Arcata Plaza rules to put some order into this town! And here they are:
1. You can only walk clockwise around the square.
2. You are not allowed to walk barefoot at any times on the Plaza.
3. Can only walk on the grass with a special permit.
4. You are no longer allowed to back into Plaza parking spots (haven’t you tried?).
5. 3 spaces on each side of Plaza are to be designated for police vehicles.
6. Green parking zones are now only a 2 minute maximum.
7. Tire boots.
8. Stylistic requirements for all Recreational Vehicles.
9. All tapestries banned from the Plaza storefronts.
10. No children under 5 allowed on the Plaza grass.
11. There is to be a 20 foot safety radius around the McKinley statue.
12. No farmers or overalls allowed.
13. Cops will be using new smell sensors on all vagrants.
14. Only silent protests are allowed.
15. No musical instruments on the plaza.
16. No funny looks while walking on the plaza.
17. No dog-like barking sounds within 100 feet of the plaza.
18. The smells of skunk, cheese, citrus and kush are all banned.
19. Peeing in the drinking fountain no longer permitted.
20. Meetings of more than 3 people are banned.
21. All backpacks are banned from the plaza.
22. Imaginary dogs on leashes are banned.
23. No birds allowed within 100 feet of the plaza.
24. All cars to be detoured onto I and F streets.
25. Only 2 bars to be open at any one time.
26. Obsessive staring is outlawed.
27. $50 fine for untimely hair-washing.
28. $100 for any ugly looks.
29. $150 for any unfashionable clothing.
30. $250 for any exposed skin besides the ankles, wrists and neck.
31. $500 fine for spitting.
32. No food allowed on the plaza.
33. No water allowed on the plaza (except for the grass).
34. No sleeping on the plaza.
35. No headbands allowed.
Hopefully these new rules will help solve the confusion over what can and cannot be done in and around the Arcata Plaza. I'm sure no one will mind being slightly imposed upon to have a better sense of order and conformity in Arcata.
Several pictures courtesy of River's Wind Blog
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